You're the th.
There are other(s)
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
--Day two of mai own personal little hell. How am I taking it? ...I’ve been better.--
Yeah, Things are still painful to look back one. But for some reason I keep replaying that conversation over and over in mai head all the time. The fact still bothers meeh and there are things that still confuse meeh. However; I’ve finally stopped crying. The pain is starting to wear off. In its place is now desire. The desire that’s so maddening, the desire for him. And then again, the desire to hurt him and anger him the way he did to meeh. Not that I’m trying to hurt him badly, I just want to do what he did to meeh. If I wanted to hurt him then I’d lay all of his personal shit bare. Naw, see, I just want to make him the one who asks for meeh this time. We’ve broken up so many times it’s become a routine. We lay all of our feelings bare before we brake up, I cry for the first few days after the brake up, we try to stay friends, then we notice the tension. The tension so thick that you could slice that shit with a knife. Then one of us decides not to call the other and when that happens, we stop talking because we’re too proud to call each other unless it’s the other giving in. Finally when we do call each other that’s when the other one gives in to pride and just says that they want the other one back.
Right now I believe we’re trying to stay friends. I don’t think that it’s going to work. IN a few days our conversations will grow less and less frequent. The one that we had last night was so short, and it was odd as hell too. Usually when we have time to talk we take full advantage of it. Sometimes we even abuse the time we have and try to get more time. But last night, we had time, neither of us were busy. Then things got so silent we just had to hang up. We should be hitting stage three of this time in a few days.
To be completely honestly iono if we’re seriously gonna get back together. We’ve never broken up “just because I need time”. There was always a reason, but this time...oh boi; there was no reason, well, not a huge one lyke last time. Things are different this time; I just can’t say why but believe meeh, it’s complicated. I just know what next time I see him, I wanna make him beg for even the right to talk to meeh! He told meeh that he needed time...well fuck it! I need time to whip his ass! He never sees meeh so how can he need time from something that isn’t even there?! Sometimes I swear men are morons! Mainly him! Such a ‘tard.
Today, in other news, I was very proud of mai matching work. I wore a black wife-beater shirt with the word ‘Chica’ in silver letters with mai “type one” jeans. All of that with matching timbs and a jacket. I was looking good and best believe it paid off. I seen Trowa again for the first time in lyke a week. OMG he got meeh sprung. And now he’s all mines! Tee hee. He was looking soooo good. And when he hugged meeh...ooo that voice of his! What a purr he has. Damn that voice in mai ear...oh god he was looking good. And he smelled so good. Mmmm. I just wanted to say in his embrace forever! He was so kyoote!! Now there’s nothing holding meeh back. Nothing at all.
I-ight I have to get going. I’ll holla back.
THIS is the real Hennessy
5/21/2003 09:20:00 PM
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