You're the th.
There are other(s)
Friday, March 19, 2004
Mood:  | Blank/Talk to the hand/Numb
Music: Sorry 2004 by "The velvet Teddy bear" ^^;;
--
--Day Three Hundred--
And it's like I forgot your gift on 02 14 03
....Damn...I'm sorry
Well...I'm feeling numb ryte now. It's not the best feeling in the world but what can you do? I guess mai choice of music isn't helpin meeh none tho I ain't done shit to no body. On the contraray, someone's done something to meeh. I still luv this song tho.
Iono, todaii was good and all but there were just little parts of it that fucked it up, ya kno? Lyke todaii at Flag Practice we had the period off since we'd worked hard all this week, so meeh and Launch had fun. We even ran a lap for fun and learned how to do Bostons. That was fun. But, before then, there was this spot where I wanted to curl up and die.
We were talking and somehow we got on what meeh and her brother were. She said that we were just friends, that he treated meeh like something to show off. After a while she told meeh that he had someone new on him. Damn...it took everything in mai power to not cry. I mean I kno that he doesn't lyke meeh the waii I'm stuck on him but damn...hearing that shit was lyke shoving a knife in mai heart. I could feel it moving around with every second that ticked bai. I kno that Launch meant no harm bai it..or maiibe she did...but whatever be the reason she told meeh and I could feel the hot tears rushing into mai eyes. I was so sure I was just going to bust up and cry next to her not that it makes a difference. She's seen meeh cry a couple of times. Either waii, I thought I was going to cry. I thank god that I didn't tho. At least I have that much self control.
I kno she knos I'm on her brother, but I don't think she knos I'm lyke this on him. I don't think she knos I'm on him tuff. I dont even kno how I got this waii but since that one week with him... I ain't stopped thinking about him. Every second around or near him makes it worse. He's a drug and I'm the addict and dammit I need some rehab!
I'm talking to Che about this, since she's the only one I can really come to this with. Chi can't help meeh out now, Launch doesn't need to hear this, so she's all I got left. Now that we're talking about this, I've realized what scares meeh the most about this situation with him. I'm scared that one daii I'ma let all mai feelings for him out, that someone's going to tell him, and when he hears he comes up to meeh about it. I'm scared shitless that then he'll tell meeh how little I mean to him, and when that happens (cuz believe meeh it's gonna happen) Iono what I'ma do. I think I'll just curl up somewhere in a quiet corner of the world and die. I can't stand no more heart break. I just can't...no more...I'm done...
If there's anything good that comes from this (and I doubt there is) I've written a poem. Not mai best but...it's how I feel ryte now...
Τι tο sηµeίο tης dιaßίωsης όtaν eκeί κaµίa aγάpη γύρω;
Τι tο sηµeίο tων ονeίρων tόsο υψηλών;
Δeν θa afήsουν pοtέ tο έdafος
Τι tο sηµeίο tης aγάpης eάν κaνένaς saς aγapά pίsω;
Τa pράγµata eseίς µe έßλaψaν tόsο κaκό,
Staµάtηse tην κaρdιά µου, γίνονtaς tο tη ρωγµή.
Τι tο sηµeίο νa ßρeθeί;
Προκaλeί µόνο tον pόνο!
Τι tο sηµeίο tων fιλιών;
Τa fιλιά µaς deν µaς aγόρasaν pοtέ tο κέρdος
Έtsι γιatί νa µην pάρeι µaζί tον pόνο;
Gιatί νa µην teλeιώseι ßλaµµένο;
Κaνένaς fρονtίζeι γιa tη sυνέpeιa pου eίνaι όλη γιa tο fλeρt
Ανaρωtιέµaι aυtόν tον κaθηµeρινό γιatί όχι spάsιµο µaκριά;
Ποιa eκµetάλλeυsη eγώ edώ;
Ποιa paρaγωγή µου tης paρaµονής;
Τίpοta edώ γιa µe θάλassa Α tης pορfυρής eνοχής eseίς µe έsχιse
κάtω, T*Ροψeρt
Κaι tώρa pρέpeι νa epaνοικοdοµηθώ
....Iight that's enough about him. He's all I talk about lately and that's gotta stop. I'ma go and see if there's something I can busy mai mind with. There has to be...if not...I know something I can do....
THIS is the real Hennessy
3/19/2004 09:32:00 PM
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