You're the th.
There are other(s)
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Mood:  | Crazy In Luv
Music: Crazy In Love by Beyonce
Social: Cheena
--
Lookin' so crazy in luv
Your loves got meeh lookin so
Crazy in luv!
--Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Nine--
Wow, I haven't blogged in a lil over a week. Bad bad meeh. I usually keep this blog nice and fresh. I don't wanna turn into Julian, with his once every blue moon blogging. The reason I remembered I had to blog was when I was at the Library with Launch, she went on mai blog and I saw when the last time I blogged was. So you kno, I had to liven things up a bit when I got home.
Lemme keep y'all posted on what's happened so far:
Sat. The 24th I went and played at a church. I sounded good, so I hear. I'm glad that's over and done wiff. It was fun tho. Went up there and rocked the house ^^
Wed. The 28th I had mai final routine for flags. It didn't go as well as I thought or hoped but I kno mai essay was really good. ^_^ Happi about that.
And todaii, ^________^ Great daii. I'm even feeling kinda flirty, even tho the events that made it that are long since over.
I didn't go to Adult Skool todaii, I needed a break. Instead I ended up going to Launch's house with Chi. We went there, and when we got home, Juunana-kun was already there. He was being a dumb ass as always. He finally calmed down long enough to sit down and watch TV. But guess what he makes us watch!? He turned on the movie "Eight Legged Freaks" and anyone that knos meeh knos I have the BIGGEST phobia of spiders in the world. I was screaming for the good part of an hour. ^^;; But...I have to admit...It was fun. Juunana-kun kept forcing meeh to watch the scary parts, then I'd jump and scream, and he'd laugh. It was funni, skari, but funni
Then after their daddy came home we all left the house and went down to the library. Chi had to go home then, so it was only meeh, Launch and Juunana-kun. We got down to the library, Launch did what she had to do then we left around 4:50.
-__- Things are fine until I had to go home! I wanted Launch to walk meeh home but she didn't wanna so I'm lyke fine. Then she told Juunana-kun to do it i'm lyke o_O! Whatever. After lyke 10 minutes of arguing about who's going to walk meeh home, they say none of them is going to walk meeh home. I was lyke ::frowns:: So I started to walk maiself home. When I'm lyke two blocks away from Launch's house, I see Juunana-kun, and he says he's going to walk meeh home. He said he didn't want anything to happen to meeh and have it be his fault for not wanting to walk meeh home. So we walked for the most part in silence, there was a lil bit of conversation but nothing too important. You kno, the normal convos. for meeh and him. Something lyte and funni. He just walked next to meeh wiff his arm around mai shoulder trying to tickle meeh as we walked since I'm sooo freakin' tickle-ish.
When we got lyke within a block of mai house, he stopped in his tracks, and messed wiff meeh a while. You kno, playfully hitting and trying to tickle meeh. Well, I guess I missed where but somewhere along the lines of playing around, it got serious. We just stopped hitting each other and stood there. Iono how it happened, it was all a blur but next thing I'm really remembering is being pulled up against him and him kissing meeh as hard as he could. We did that for a while too. All I kno is we left the Library at 4:50, walked Launch home, and at the end I got home around 5:30. So I was out and about for a good 40 minutes.
Iono what's going to happen tomorrow. Frankly tho, I don't care. I jus' really don't care. I mean ish nice to be wiff him but I kno what he's doing to meeh. I kno he's running game, which brings the question, why did I allow him to kiss meeh. ::shrugs:: Honestly, dunno. Ish not lyke he was forcing himself upon meeh. Hell, I had mai arms around his neck and he had his arms around mai waist, meaning that we BOTH wanted this. I jus' dunno if this changes anything. I doubt it does, I kno what to expect this time. I'm not into it, I'm just knoin it was a stupid kiss and nothing more...well oki....maiibe a lot of stupid kisses, but either waii I ain't trippin. I kno what he’s lyke, I kno there’s nothing there. Jus’ the occational kisses are nice sometimes.
::sighs::
The only bad thing about this is all the people I lied to. I told Gar I was over Juunana-kun, I told Ju and Che the same. I thought it was true. I didn’t realize until I was lip-to-lip with Juunana-kun that it wasn’t that simple. I still have feelings for him. A hell of a lot of feelings. I wish things didn’t have to be this waii. The part of meeh that’s sane wishes that I would have jus’ walked maiself home. The other part, the hopeless romantic wishes that I’d’ve spent as much time wiff him as I could. I jus’ dunno what to think anymore.
I kno things wiff him won’t ever turn into something else. But...what bothers meeh is how I’m going to have to learn the hard waii. I’m going to have to find out maiself, Che says. Iono how, but she says that I will and ish gonna hurt. Sadly, I believe her. I wonder how it will be, how hard it will hurt, and how deep the cut will be.
::sighs again::
Things are complicated when I think of them, so I wish I didn’t think. I wish I could just act on how I feel and neva have to think about what’s going to happen next. If I did that then I wouldn’t have a problem. I wouldn’t have to worry about how I’m going to learn this lesson. I wouldn’t be scared of learning this lesson, and I wouldn’t be scared of it destroying meeh....
...But...since I will always think of what’s to come, and I don’t kno what to look for...I guess I’m jus’ sitting here...waiting for this lesson to destroy meeh....The only thing I wish now....is for it to come quick.... Kill meeh quick...and never look back.
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/29/2004 08:54:00 PM
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Mood: | Over Worked
Music: Badda Boom bai B2K feat. Fabolous
Social: Lianna and Cheena
--
--Day Three Hundred and Thirty-One--
Todaii was the big daii. Mock Tryouts are finally over. ^_^ You kno, for being so stinkin nervous, it wasn't all that bad. I had fun, kinda nervous tho. Dropped mai flag once but you kno, I was real slick wiff it. ^^;; Ain't no one seen it. Ppl were telling us that Flag Squad did real good this year. I'm glad. We gave it our all.
Now that ish ova I kinda wanna do it again, but, if it means going thro all dat preparing and stress again, nah I'm good. It was just fun.
But now dat ish ova, we gotta do mo' stuff. The stress ain't ova, nah not bai a long shot. We gotta write a 5 para. essay on why we wanna get on the squad, since we're going to find out if we made it or not bai Fridaii...not next one or the one coming up but in...um...two weeks from this fridaii. Yeah, two weeks from dis Fridaii. And, we gotta have a one minute lil routine, wiff music of our choice, bai next wed. The good thing is that I'm good at writing essays, I kno what i wanna saii, and I got most of mai routine done. I got mai music and I think I got what I wanna do in it so ish all good.
I'm not going to go to skool on fridaii...two days from now. So I myte blog again then. But I need the daii off to get things situated, lyke catch up on the moutains of bio HW I got going and get a start on mai essay. If time permits I'll blog and start putting mai routine down. ^^
Well...Just wanted to blog. Despite mai over worked mood, I'm in a good mood. Ppl were saying I lookeded nice! ^____^ So happi.
p inkGreeN1 (8:03:42 PM): hey Bertha I gotta go do hw but i just wanted to let u know real quick u did pretty good out there
SEE! I gots luv!! hahahah. Iight, I'ma get going. Holla atcha gurl.
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/21/2004 07:53:00 PM
Monday, April 19, 2004
Mood:  | Hopeless
Music: Underneath Bai Jessica Simpson
Socail: Cheena; Via Julian’s SN
--
--Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Nine--
Sometimes it’s hard
When you’re so deep inside
To see all you can lose in the blink of an eye
Dreams could be shattered
You could be gone
How would I survive?
Cuz you’re where I belong.
My soul believer
Without you in my life
I don’t know who I would be
Jesus....iono what’s up but I don’t lyke it...I just woke up...Ju said there was something I needed to see....I get up, come online, and talk to Che. Mai world one did a three sixty on meeh. Hearing some things....thinking about what myte be....::shakes head:: ish all so painful.
::sighs:: ryte now I’m on this dumb ass desktop, ish taking forever to get this post out between the slow ass computer, watching Ju talk to Che, and meeh trying to reach over and type this. I just kno that I had to get this out....not much to saii...but ish eating meeh alive.
I ain’t felt this fucking crushed....so fucking lost....in a long long time. Ish just a dull numb ache in mai chest. When Che told meeh what she had...I was lyke....”o....my god......” just thinking of it all, over and over and over again, even tho they was lyke “don’t worry” how can I not?! I mean...I’ve gotten so far in....(this is why this song is so damn fitting) to see all I can lose ryte now....would be being killed alive. I’ve worked too hard to get this life somewhat ryte and just when I thought I had some kind of sanity...clarity....security....I start to lose it. Ha, just lyke meeh to do so. To want to fucking sleep and neva wake up. But I can’t do that...nah...no rest fo' the emotionally ripped apart. As always. I gotta wake up in the morning, put on a fake ass smile on mai face and act lyke deep down I ain’t fuckin’ being ripped to shreds bai mai own mind.
God....just thinking of it hurts. What if? The what ifs are killing meeh. I can’t take this stress, I’m so over come bai it I wanna just disappear. I’ve done enough as it is. I don’t wanna do no mo’. Ju’s reading ova mai shoulder...saying that I didn’t do anything...same thing Che told meeh. But I can’t help but feel I’m the one to blame. I mean...aren’t I always...? I’ve always managed to cause ppl trouble and stress they don’t need...dammit...it’d be better if I wasn’t around....
....Ain’t got more to saii....just gonna watch Ju talk to Che some more....just lay here....and do nothing....watch them go back and forth about who can cure meeh from this state of mind...but lemme saii...ain’t no one can....NO FUCKING ONE!
::sighs heavily::
Dear Lord....and to think....after todaii....I wake up to THIS!
::laughs weakily::
....Holla atcha gurl....
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/19/2004 10:14:00 PM
Friday, April 16, 2004
Mood:  | Pretty messed up
Music: Bombs Over Bagdad Bai Outcast
Social: Cheena and Gar-bear
--
This be the year that you won't forget....
....One nine nine nine
-- Day Three hundred and Twenty-Six--
I can't believe it. I had such a fucked up daii todaii, and it started off so fucking good! I can't believe mai fucking luck. Iight lemme take you back some.
Lately I've been talking to Shaz. We actually started talking on...I think....was it Wednesdaii...?? Iono I can't remember but yeah I started talking to her because one of our friend Miyana got us to talk and we were willing to start talking again. For those that don't already kno meeh and Shaz weren't talking cuz of some shit that happened last year but I won't go into that. Let's just saii dat's ish over and we're back to talking.
Well, todaii I was bored in Geo class and I was passing a note wiff Shaz, and keepin busy. I did mai HW for Geo class todaii thanks to Shaz so fucking Mr. Leeka can't saii that I don't do mai work!
Anyways, after that, I went to nutrition, talked to Launch for a while and then we went back over to Homeroom. Talked wiff Miyana a bit, hated Mr. Igoma and then went over to fourth period. Nothing important there.
Then lunch rolled around, had a nice LONG talk wiff Bra and Launch about something, and then it was time to head over to sixth period.
...That's when all hell broke lose.
See, in case you've been hiding under a rock or something lately I've been talking about mocktryouts. I've only mentioned it almost every time I blog since ish something that's been on mai mind for lyke....ever!
Well when we get there we start out wiff a lil bit of practicing the thing we're going to do. Now, this thing is to a really really REALLY fast song. Y'all just don't know. Anyway, we do it perfectly lyke the first 2 times...then when we get around to time 20 and we start fucking up. We're getting more and more tired so ish only normal that we start fucking up some more. And the more we fuck up the more we had to do it so we're lyke going all bad, can't keep up, and basically sweating to death in the hot ass Soical Hall.
We were so bad that Tiff, our captin, got soo mad at us. Jasmine, one of the team girls, said she had never seen Tiff soo bad. Well, whatever. She was mad. And because of that we had to hold angle for the good part of about an hour. We were on around angle iono....25?? and then I couldn't take it anymore. We're holding each of them for lyke 40-80 seconds and mai arms was burning. See...normally I can take them, I don't drop mai angles since I lyke to prove to maiself that whatever the other girls can do then I can do too. Well...this time mai pride got in the waii. I'm sick, and I was holding those angles, I hadn't eaten so it was only a matter of time before I fainted. I did, I fell on mai hands and knees cuz I couldn't take it any more.
And will you believe that because of that all the girls and I had to do a whole grip of pushups??! I felt so fucking bad. Olivia was lyke "next one that drops your flags I'ma kick yo' ass" and I don't blame her. I don't no one fucking meeh up either.
So....long story short...sixth period killed meeh almost. I sweated thro mai shirt, felt sooo tired, and then after that I had to come home and babysit!? What the fuck is this, Kill B Daii!??!
::sighs::
Talk about hard ass practice. But you kno what? Even tho I was sooo hella tempted to just throw mai shit down and be lyke 'You kno what fuck this and fuck you too!' I didn't. Why? Cuz I got too much fucking pride. If this is what the other girls did to get on the squad, guess what?! I can do that shit too, just as good as they do, or even better! I'm not about to let no one break meeh. Hell no! What do I look lyke letting someone get the best of meeh. Nah, you must not kno meeh. Ppl don't get the best of meeh, I get the best of them! I didn't wanna give any one of those girls the satisfaction of them breaking meeh, and when I did lose mai self control and dropped down I almost cried or something. I couldn't believe how stupid I was. Why had I given up?! I didn't mean to! I was cursing all kinds of things in mai head from then until practice was over. I felt soooo damn stupid but it wasn't mai fault! As if I could stop maiself from being sick or stop the fucking ground from doing all kinds of dips, flips and trips on meeh!
And to think...I have to do this shit all over again on monday. Not for only 2 hours tho! Nah! This time they doin the most and we're going to have after skool practice until 5:00. Fucking four hours! Never!!! I can't believe this! UGH! I just wanna crawl some where and fucking sleep for days. But...I can do this...I just need a day or something to maiself. Then I'll get back on mai feet and be the bomb ass shit on mocktryouts. It's all going to be worth it in the end. I can do this...god dammit if I lived thro pledging I can live thro anything!
Shiiiiit....
::takes deep breath:: oh...oki....Wow, I really needed to do that. This is just what I needed. After mai lil shower this helped a lot. I even called Mommy Stelly, if you go to her blog you'll see she mentioned it. I had to talk to her even tho I'm not suppose to call ppl outta state but I had to talk to her. I didn't care then and there, I just HAD to talk to her since I hadn't talked to her the nyte before and I kno if someone understands meeh ish her. We think alike, hell sometimes ish so alike ish fucking skari (scary).
Iight...I think I'm going to end this up. That's enough for one daii. I'll try to BBL. Iono when tho, not before sundaii, since I'm still babysitting. But I'll be back when I can. Until then....
.....HOLLA ATCHA GURL!
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/16/2004 06:00:00 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Mood: | Stylish
Music: Nothing; Watching TV
Social: Lianna and Cheena
--
"You better fix this! You know what girls talk about when we get together!"
"What? Sugar spice and everything nice?"
"No you moron! That's what we're made of!"
"You know you really could use a refill of that everything nice."
--
--Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Three--
I'm so bored. There's nothing to do. I was watching TV but that's boring now. -__-
Yesterdaii, I called mommi 'Stelly ^^;; She said I sound innocent. She sounded lyke I thought she would. We only talked for lyke 31 seconds cuz I was scared for mai life. I didn't want mai momma to find out I was making a NY call from LA.
In other news, Todaii was Yoshi's b-daii. I gave him a lil B-daii hug. He's all grown up ^___^; It was fun todaii in fifth period todaii because of dat.
Um, other than that not much else happened. Chi and Launch weren't here todaii, so I didn't have anyone to hang wiff other than Monique. We were talking about the things we're going to do in the upcoming weeks. Had a nice good talk wiff her.
Yepp...other than that I don't think there's much else to saii. I just wanted to keep mai blog nice and alive. ^^ I'll bbl.
-Holla atcha gurl!
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/13/2004 07:06:00 PM
Friday, April 09, 2004
Mood: 
Music: Bad Girl by Usher
Social Gar-Bear
--
--Day Three Hundred and Twenty-One--
Wow, I haven't blogged in almost a week. I'm back to being mai blog-neglectant self. Can't saii I've been off doing something important cuz dat's a lie. I've been lazy around the house! Hows that for an excuse! ^^;
Todaii's mai last offical daii of spring break. I'm not going to count the weekened cuz they're a given anyway. So on mondaii I have to go back to school. -____- Isn't that just magical? ::rolls eyes::
I don't lyke shcool...I hate it.
No one's home. All alone. Bored bored bored. -____-;; Oh joy, isn't mai blog just so exciting. T_T There's nothing to do. I spent most of the morning writing things out so mai mind's kinda numb, I think I used all mai good brain cells already. ^^; Knowing meeh I prolly did.
Bored.
I'm actually looking forward to mai piano thing coming up soon. I wanna get it outta the waii and I have an excuse to shop.
Still bored.
Well...I think that's all I got for now. I'll BBL sooner than before. I luv mai blog! Don't let it forget that! ::hugs blog::
-Holla atcha gurl!
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/09/2004 04:14:00 PM
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Mood:  | Unexpressive
Music:Be By Jessica Simpson
Social: Gar-Bear, Cheena, Lianna
--
--Day Three Hundred and Fifften--
I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walking water
I already see the clouds we're flying
Over and under
I already see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
....To do honor to mai mood...I don't kno how to feel. Earlier I was just fine...and now...Iono how I am. I can't express how I feel...cuz I don't kno how that is...and even if I did kno....I doubt that I would express it..I don't feel it ryte now....I'm just listening to music....numbing out...chatting....and using the dots too much...lemme quit that.
Iono, I don't know how to feel ryte now. Angry? Sad? Depressed? Lonely? I dont' know no more....I'll just saii unexpressive for a while.
There's nothing to do. Only thing left to do is blog and I'm trying to do that but it seems I have nothing to saii........what a waste of a post.
Unless I think of something to write later todaii....I'll end mai post here for now....holla atcha gurl
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/03/2004 04:56:00 PM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Mood:  | Upside Down
Music: In those jeans By Ginuwine
Social: Gar-bear and Lianna
--
--Day Three Hundred and Thirteen--
I'm back. Two days in a row! I'm currently recovering, which explains mai mood, so I'm kinda getting use to being normal meeh again. I had been sick for four days so you kno, it takes a cool minute to get back to being meeh ^^
I can't believe it! I made another layout! Even with all the work I have going I made another layout! But I love it. I saw the picture and I had to make a layout. I think it's so kyoote. And the couple is from mai fave. Manga Mars. Rei and Kira! ^__^
Anyway, speaking of Mangas....I started to re-draw mines...I have better ideas this time. Well actually ish not even a manga, I take that back. This time ish just a storyboard to the story I'm writing called A Love By Any Other Name. Still...kinda done manga style. I worked on that this morning for about three hours.
In case y'all didn't guess, I stayed home todaii as well. I wasn't feeling as good as I should. And I'll show up tomorrow so I'll be oki. I've never been out from skool this many daiis in a row. And you kno what? It feels good! ^^ I myte do it again some other time
Well...I think that's it for todaii. Not much happened. Che hasn't been online ::pouts:: so she's missed, but at least I've had Gar and Li to keep meeh company. Still, miss taking to mom-kuns.
Oki, I think I'll cut mai post here. Holla atcha gurl
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/01/2004 05:14:00 PM
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