You're the th.
There are other(s)
Monday, April 19, 2004
Mood:  | Hopeless
Music: Underneath Bai Jessica Simpson
Socail: Cheena; Via Julian’s SN
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--Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Nine--
Sometimes it’s hard
When you’re so deep inside
To see all you can lose in the blink of an eye
Dreams could be shattered
You could be gone
How would I survive?
Cuz you’re where I belong.
My soul believer
Without you in my life
I don’t know who I would be
Jesus....iono what’s up but I don’t lyke it...I just woke up...Ju said there was something I needed to see....I get up, come online, and talk to Che. Mai world one did a three sixty on meeh. Hearing some things....thinking about what myte be....::shakes head:: ish all so painful.
::sighs:: ryte now I’m on this dumb ass desktop, ish taking forever to get this post out between the slow ass computer, watching Ju talk to Che, and meeh trying to reach over and type this. I just kno that I had to get this out....not much to saii...but ish eating meeh alive.
I ain’t felt this fucking crushed....so fucking lost....in a long long time. Ish just a dull numb ache in mai chest. When Che told meeh what she had...I was lyke....”o....my god......” just thinking of it all, over and over and over again, even tho they was lyke “don’t worry” how can I not?! I mean...I’ve gotten so far in....(this is why this song is so damn fitting) to see all I can lose ryte now....would be being killed alive. I’ve worked too hard to get this life somewhat ryte and just when I thought I had some kind of sanity...clarity....security....I start to lose it. Ha, just lyke meeh to do so. To want to fucking sleep and neva wake up. But I can’t do that...nah...no rest fo' the emotionally ripped apart. As always. I gotta wake up in the morning, put on a fake ass smile on mai face and act lyke deep down I ain’t fuckin’ being ripped to shreds bai mai own mind.
God....just thinking of it hurts. What if? The what ifs are killing meeh. I can’t take this stress, I’m so over come bai it I wanna just disappear. I’ve done enough as it is. I don’t wanna do no mo’. Ju’s reading ova mai shoulder...saying that I didn’t do anything...same thing Che told meeh. But I can’t help but feel I’m the one to blame. I mean...aren’t I always...? I’ve always managed to cause ppl trouble and stress they don’t need...dammit...it’d be better if I wasn’t around....
....Ain’t got more to saii....just gonna watch Ju talk to Che some more....just lay here....and do nothing....watch them go back and forth about who can cure meeh from this state of mind...but lemme saii...ain’t no one can....NO FUCKING ONE!
::sighs heavily::
Dear Lord....and to think....after todaii....I wake up to THIS!
::laughs weakily::
....Holla atcha gurl....
THIS is the real Hennessy
4/19/2004 10:14:00 PM
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