You're the th.
There are other(s)
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Mood: Depressed
Music: I hate everything about you bai Three Days Grace
Social: Shalycia and Estelle
--One Year and Sixty-Three Days since Divoced....--
(Finally time to change the countdown....)
--Day One--
Yepp...deeeepressed. Isn't that nice? I guess it's been too long since I broke down. Just as life would have it I can't go too long wiffout busting out in tears. Guess I was long over due.
Todaii was iight for the beginning part. I made one of the sorority shirts in grafic arts class todaii finally...but none of that matters to meeh ryte now. Nuffin matters. I went to the library wiff Robyn, Shazlenn and Robert todaii but that doesn't matter either...Nuffin at all...
I saw some things that I wasn't suppose to see...now I see why I wasn't suppose to see em. I won't saii wut I saw cuz this blog could fall into the wrong hands but I saw...I wish I hadn't...I just sat there for a moment wishing I hadn't seen a thing and wishing that I woudln't break down in tears ryte then and there. Lucky for meeh this once I didn't break down there. But when I got home that's when hell broke loose.
I went to piano lessons iono how, I just played. I don't remember playing but I just did. When I got home I talked to Julian for a little bit, then just lay in bed for a while with black tears streaming down mai face. I just got up a couple of minutes ago and I just can't feel lyke maiself. I just can't.
The talk that I had wiff Ju didn't help any. He just kept telling meeh he told meeh so, he told meeh this was going to happen. I wanted to reach over and smack him. He doesn't understand how broken I am about this, he never will.
Everyone's just telling meeh to get over it, to move on but I can't. I can't when I'm in so fucking deep. It's not that easy anymore. Iono if it ever was that easy. ::sighs:: Sure I got over something lyke this once but I can't do it again. The last time I had to get over something lyke this I nearly died, I felt a part of meeh slipping away. And what I have left now is all I have. So if I had to get over this, I think I would die. Just die. The first time I almost died, this time I kno I'm just going to die.....
So this is another change in mai life. I'm going to try to break away. I'm going to try to end this once and for all. So here it is, the countdown has changed and this is daii one, day one of meeh trying to break free from him. Todaii just made meeh realize he's never going to luv meeh...ever. It's never going to work...he's never going to see how much I care about him. I can only hope that I make it outta this one alive. Here goes...daii one. I'm not tryin to be a toy anymore. I'm not trying to be someone's joke. I'm meeh, love meeh or leave meeh. Interestingly enough....they all seem to be leaving ryte? Yepp....all of em. Men are no different...they're all dogs I don't care what you say. Every man is a dog!
::sighs::
I can't keep this entry going. I have to go...I gotta breathe. I gotta do something....if I live to tell it....I'll holla bk. So holla atcha gurl.
THIS is the real Hennessy
7/20/2004 08:18:00 PM
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