You're the th.
There are other(s)
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Mood:  | Missing Him
Music: Have You Ever :: Brandy
Social: No One.
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Wow...after five months or so I have finally gotten around to reviving this blog. I guess I fell under the spell of myspace. But see, its not so bad there. But when it comes to blogs, nothing beats blogger.
I think the main reason I came back here too is cuz, not many ppl know about this. Just mai closest friends and I dont mind if they kno. As for mai myspace, ppl I dont even kno go on there. I can't have that.
Last nyte...oh boi last nyte!! Well actually, if we're going to get real technical, ish reallie early this morning. The events are on mai mind still, and they're not going to go away for a looooooong time to come. i kno that much for sure.
So, here's what happen.
I'm in bed, sleepin, and I get a fone call. From who? DeMarion no less...
::sighs::
I'd been mad at him lately cuz he was leaving and stuff, turns out, he's staying and we got to talking and of course, as always, mai anger towards him faded.
Point of mai story?
He told meeh that he cared about meeh. Just when I thought that I was over this, over his drama, and most importantly over him, he comes back into mai lyfe and strings meeh all over. He told meeh that if he didn't care for meeh that he woudln't bother wiff meeh at all. Iono if that's just his waii of keeping meeh strung, clinging to that lil hope, of if he's telling the truth...
I talked to one of mai sisters about this. She says that this is just a plan, another one of his games. Iono no more...I thought that I had him all figured out, and when he told meeh that he cared about meeh... ::sighs:: Iono. I lost it. I got all shakey and shit. For some reason I want to believe so badly that he cares about meeh...maiibe that's because I want to be wiff him more than anything in the world...
See, things lyke this I kno for a fact I could not post in mai myspace. Here they're safe. No body thinks I use this anymore, and if for some reason they stumbled upon this and read it, onlie those I reallie reallie care about have this link and the password. I kno mai thoughts are safe...
::sighs:: Iono what to do...if anyone reads this...i reallie need help. Iono what to do anymore. I'm so lost when it comes to him. i want to get up and move on lyke i kno that i should but...i can't will maiself to do it. I luv him. Ish so hard to get over him just lyke that. I've given him nearly over two years of mai lyfe...I can't just cut him out. I'm not strong enough...
He told meeh that he was tired...after talking well into 2 am in the morning. He said that we would finish this conversation later. I want to believe that's tru too. I need closure. If he reallie wants to be wiff meeh, i wanna get that stright. If he doesnt, then I want him to leave meeh alone, even if it hurts. I need to get over him if he doesn't see a future wiff us. I just can't get a straight answer out of him...
He saiis he cares..he told meeh he cares and if he didn't he wouldnt bother wiff meeh. He saiis he just plays these games cuz they're (get readie for this...) Fun. FUN?!?!? NO! Is it fun for him to leave meeh crying maiself to sleep almost every nyte when I think of him!? How the fuck is that fun!?
Ugh...
I wish that i had some goods news to put up here but everything is so messed up, even outside of DeMarion.
Brandon's a mess.
Andrew's a mess too.
There's still no word on Star and they're gettin frantic. Shit, even I'm starting to worry more. Sure, I worried at first but I figured I could get a hold of her...no such luck...
I guess there's nothing else left to tell.
I'll be back later I'm sure, to pore mai heart out, since there's not very many ppl around I can talk to, and even tho some are there...I can't reach them.
I'll steal away the short seconds of the daii I have, to vent a bit before I keep this all in and I choke...
THIS is the real Hennessy
8/23/2005 03:30:00 PM
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